Yesterday I started with a simple description of my Magical Misfit project, (and again, I’m putting this here so that I don’t muck up that section):

A group kind of like the A-Team, but Magical Girls, all queer someway, and every one of them is a misfit. A sci-fi anime comedy.

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I posted this on Threads, and much to my surprise, two people actually commented with several liking it. So, after working all afternoon and into the evening, I finally had created something that I like, and it only took three revisions. Behold:

I’m Hikari—pink-haired, pigtailed, and definitely not your average teenage math nerd. Some old guy conscripted me into the Air Force, lied to his boss, and made me a Second Lieutenant because I have a habit of leveling cities with my Solar Magic. That’s why I’m called a “zero“. (Shocker: magic is real.)

Now I’m officially part of FARTS (Federal Anomalous Response Tactical Squad), AKA the F-Team, because our boss can’t say “farts” with a straight face. My teammates? Quinn, a 58-year-old time manipulator who transforms into a 14-year-old blond bombshell and is hopelessly addicted to coffee. Matilda, a gothic 500-year-old vampire who looks 11, giggles instead of drinking blood, carries a bazooka named Vernichter, and somehow sucks at Necromancy. Avery, an alien who uses Technomancy to test her gadgets on us because she’s bored. And Kai, a chill martial artist who dances for tips, switches genders like they switch outfits, and will absolutely kick your ass if you piss them off.

While the military’s elite AEGIS unit hogged all the glory against the DREAD (nasty, sticky tentacle thingies), we got MAIDS duty. (Yeah, the military just loves acronyms, huh?) Anyway, we clean up sentient Dust Bunnies and aggressively moving Sludge puddles (don’t tell Matilda, but I think it’s actually DREAD poop). But when AEGIS failed, and the video went viral exposing magic, the DREAD and other secrets to everybody on Earth, we got called in to clean up the mess. Why? Because we’re “emotionally compromised“, and the DREAD can’t feed on us! But now AEGIS wants to compete with us to save humanity. Maybe we can “divide and conquer” to defeat the DREAD. But what happens when you divide by zero? I guess we’ll find out!

Now, I will tease you a bit. This is only the first book in a series of five. Each book will feature one of my Misfits in the first person perspective. I want to get to know each of these people, intimately. This first book, introduces us to the team, defines the world, and establishes the threat. And since I have you as a captured audience, I’ll even give you a bit of a break down into what I’m thinking about in my deranged mind.

It’s said to write what you know. It was a dream of mine as a teenager to become the first military officer in my family, and I chose the Air Force as my military path. Unfortunately, I personally, couldn’t cut that mustard. Before I knew it, my time was up, and I was young and dumb, and completely miscalculated that I could earn more money as a civilian, than being a member of the enlisted military. Totally forgot about the mundane things that the Government provided to me, like HOUSING and FOOD. Anyway, I digress. Anyway, this story uses the United States Air Force as a vehicle. I do miss my time in the Air Force. I still wish I could have become an officer. My imagination will simply have to do.

The military loves acronyms, as I’ve stated in the Blurb, and I’m going to define the ones that I’ve included on the back cover blurb here, but you’ll also see them explained in the novel itself.

• FARTS: Federal Anomalous Response Tactical Squad
  This was the first name I brainstormed, and because this is a comedy, I wanted something that was absurdly funny. Farts just fits, because we know every five-year-old giggles at the word. Now just imagine the senior brass in the Pentagon using the word in a serious conversation. Yeah, I’m just weird, I guess.

• DREAD: Dimensional Resonant Emotional Activity Disruptor
  The second name I created was the adversary. Buckle up, this one’s a bit long. I really struggled with creating an adversary. I wanted something more than just a typical monster of the week, but I also wanted something that was truly terrifying to humankind, but yet also gave a major ick factor. I thought, well, whatever this critter is, it’s gotta be black, because that’s a trope color for evil, right? And since I’m burying myself in this hole, let’s give it a few other attributes. It should stink, and maybe have tentacles. Girls HATE tentacles, right? Let’s make this thing sticky too. And it can defy gravity— in fact, let’s make it completely out of this dimension! Now regular bullets and crap can’t touch it, I have an adversary worthy of a magical girl battalion! It’s a monster, so it’s sentient. But what would motivate it to attack? I wanted something beyond the mundane perverted typical ecchi stuff. Emotional damage. The contradiction of having hope yet knowing deep down that failure is most likely the end result. Humans have tons of this— at least I do. So, these things are dreadful. They don’t obey the normal laws of physics (yup, we’re in a comedy, remember?), they’re sticky and stinky, and will grapple people in unusual ways, and when they make physical contact with you, they siphon your emotional damage, and leave you kind of like a zombie, an empty shell that requires mental therapy and physical rest, because the DREAD has seen some shit, and yeah, they’re telepathic too.

• MAIDS: Malicious Artifact Investigation (and) Disposal Service
  The third term I created, specifically when I was dreaming up the team’s coordinated outfits, like every other magical girl team has. Sailor Moon, Spec Ops Asuka, Madoka, they all use this trope. My idea is: Let’s put these goofballs in French Maid outfits, and it could be a disguise! There’s actually a kink out there for it. Did I mention I’m weird?

• AEGIS: Arcane Enhanced Guardian Interceptor Squadron
  Just today, I created this one. I had the thought of including a rival team a couple weeks ago, but I never got around to fleshing it out beyond a simple concept idea. Today, it materializes, because I named it. As I was drafting my back cover, the term F-Team came up, shorthand for FARTS. And the original pitch was a group like the A-Team, so… why not create the rivals to be that A-Team. Sparkly, graceful, perfect… but mostly ineffective against this threat. So going with the theme that F is short for FARTS, A would have to be short for something. I thought of Aegis, the mythological shield of the Gods, and that would be perfect, because this A-Team IS the shield— against the FARTS.

I’m sure there will be more to be created as I continue to draft the story, but now, with the acronyms defined, you can start seeing where my imagination is going here. I’ve created monsters, and rivals, and knowing how batshit crazy I am, you’re in for a treat!

Anyway, what do you think of my drafted back cover? There’s more that I’d like to discuss, like a couple of ideas that I have is that I want to include five full manga pages with each episode. Eventually, I want to create a specific table top role playing game to go with the story. (Because why not? Just a week ago, I discovered LitRPG is actually a genre in fiction writing, and it’s pretty popular!) So, yeah, because I’m already breaking the Fourth Wall, or at least I plan to, there’s going to be some meta data spillage too. I’ve got ideas for how I want my system to work, but for it to work well with magical girls, I need to resolve the magical-restriction problem that most systems suffer from.

So yeah, this is going to take some major money to pull off. I’ve already looked into the cost of the art— that’s between $150 and $200 per full page, and that’s average. And of course, I’m going to want a full page colorized cover for each episode too. Maybe I need to spend some time warming up my drawing tablet, and hope that I can construct more than just stick figures? Apparently, I need more time.

So I’m writing my first original novel. Not a fan fiction! And because we’re living during unprecedented times, I need something even more absurd than reality. I chose to post this snippet here instead of in the category for Magical Girl Misfits, because I don’t want to muddy up that area, and this is just a fun little exercise. I’m not even sure I’m going to keep it for the final novel project.

Yes, this is a comedy, reminiscent of older movies from the 1970s and 80s. Comedy movies, such as Space Balls, The Naked Gun, Airplane!, Police Academy, and The Cannon Ball Run, to name a few. Yes, this is also very anime-centric. My girls are not only totally queer, but sport pink pigtails and dress rather bizarrely.

A brief introduction. Hikari is a Solar Mage. Her abilities specialize with the domains of Light and Heat. Basically anything dealing with our Sun. She’s a naive girl of 16. A mathematical genius, and she pumps up everything she does to level 11. She also the first character of a team of five other Misfits. And fair point, chronologically, she’s the youngest too. (We’re not tackling Matilda just yet.)

A bit about my writing style, if you haven’t figured this out yet, and I can’t blame you because I haven’t really felt motivated to post anything in this section since the Orange Turd …. yeah, I’ll leave that alone. Anyway, I’ve been called a “character sadist” by more than a few friends.

What I’m looking for here? Mostly to have some fun, but also, if you’d be so kind as to give a bit of constructive criticism on your way through. This is the third draft I’ve created for this scene, and I’m pretty impressed with it, but I feel that it could probably be improved. So, if you enjoy anime, shoujo, magical girls, science fiction, comedy, or just weird shit, please, I invite you to read! And without further delay, I present to you, Hikari Amaterasu…

“Incende Metamorphosin!”

Initiate Transformation!

An orchestra begins playing music softly, the sounds of a single flute, a pair of violins ascend the musical scale. After a measure, a snare drum begins a quiet cadence. Hikari gently lifts off the ground, raising her arms over her head, fingers extended. The background scenery is slowly replaced with an image of outer space, littered with tiny white stars fades into view. The camera pans downward to fix its gaze upon the Earth, while the Sun peeks over the curvature from the other side of the planet.

Hikari’s body begins to twirl counterclockwise slowly and the background scenery changed to an open field of wildflowers. Fresh scents of budding blossoms filled the air, a lone bird chirped happily.

The snare drum became louder, trumpets and French horns joined the musical accompaniment, the notes rang higher and louder on the scale, until finally the sound of a massive kettle drum echoes a roaring thunder, a single beat as an explosion of white light engulfed Hikari’s body. With her back shown toward the audience, her blouse, pants, and boots blew away from her in all directions.

“Oh! That kind of tickles!”

That chirping bird? It was silenced, and plummeted toward the green grass on the ground. Dead and smoldering. The soundtrack pauses after what sounds like a record being scratched.

A stream of white light enters the screen from the left. It moves slowly, and arcs widely around and behind Hikari. The music begins playing again, a crescendo of a trio of violins, the snare drum increasing its cadence. After making two passes around the screen, the ray of white light splits into two beams, and each travels a different direction, the new ray moving at a slower velocity than the original, both swirling around Hikari. Her body begins to spin clockwise slowly. The orchestra reaches a natural plateau, the note is held, the first beam abruptly changes direction and aims straight at Hikari’s hips. It slams into her body with the sound of an atomic bomb detonating, Hikari is folded at a forty-five degree angle now. She screams in agony as her bare flesh is burned to the first degree. A pair of brilliantly white panties materializes.

“AHHHH! HOT!”

The second beam abruptly changes direction, heading now directly towards Hikari’s chest, and plows into her upper torso, knocking her over backwards in midair. A delicate white bralette forms over her chest. Again, Hikari screams.

“JESUS CHRI.--”

Now Hikari tumbles both clockwise and backflips in mid air, bent at her pelvis. Another white bolt streaks across the sky and zooms off to the left off the screen. Hikari directly faces the audience now, the orchestra’s notes rise to a high register and hold. Hikari’s pupils shrink to become dots. She stretches her palms out in front of her, arms locked and straight, her mouth opens, but she’s blasted squarely in her chest with a loud KABOOM as a skin-tight, white bodice forms over her torso. Hikari tries to suppress her pain despite the second degree burns that cover her stomach.

“AAHHHHHHH--”

The music softens again, violins play rapid notes in a chorus. A kettle drum gives a deep, slow thumping beat, then the single note of a triangle being struck momentarily pauses the other melodies. A golden beam of pure light steaks across the sky behind Hikari. She follows it’s trajectory as she tumbles in midair, suspended within a strange zone of zero-gravity. The beam encircles Hikari, flirts with her, nearly chaffs her left thigh. It feels warm, like a ray of pure sunshine. Actually it feels pretty nice. It zooms off into the distance behind Hikari, makes a wide arc, and finally settles on a direction. Hikari is squarely in it’s path. The music comes back, increasing in volume, rising in pitch, like a swing in motion. The blast nails Hikari directly on her rump. She arches her back, and wails as she’s just received the most intense paddling of her life. A metallic golden pleated miniskirt materializes starting at her waist and stopping a couple inches down her thighs.

FUC--!

The background imagery changes again, to depict an orchard, with rays of sunshine poking through the branches. Another bolt of orange light appears from the upper left corner of the screen, and zooms toward the lower right, igniting the trees behind Hikari. The odor of charred wood, thick smoke and burning leaves fills the air. As the beam of light enters the screen again, it splits into four smaller beams of light, all moving at different speeds. The orchestra has added a Xylophone and Tom-Tom drums, giving a tropical flair to the score. Hikari chokes on the thick, putrid air and coughs.

“For the love of God,,,,”

The rays arc and loop around Hikari, teasing her form, the heat radiates from each bolt, nearly causing blisters to appear. One by one, each bolt abruptly changes course, locked in on Hikari in teh middle of the screen. The first one slams into Hikari’s waist. She flies several feet to the left with the gut-punch. An orange belt materializes.

“AH! IT BURNS!”

The second bolt comes around as the orchestra descends down into a musical valley. The orange bolt plows into Hikari’s left foot. A boot forms, crawling upwards to her knee.

“YAAAAH!”

The third ray swings around, comes in from behind as Hikari continues to tumble through the air. It envelopes Hikari’s right leg with a matching boot.

“OH MY GOD!”

The fourth bolt zig-zags to and fro, from right to left, behind and around to the front. It grows in size with each passing moment. The orchestra is reaching it’s conclusion, violins dance rapidly, the flute sounding like an ambulance speeding down the highway. Hikari’s eyes become as large as saucers as she realizes the end finally coming.

“Oh shit...”

She desperately wants to curl into the fetal position, but she can’t. Something bigger than her is forcing her to remain spread open like a starfish. She squeezes her eyes shut tightly as the final ray accelerates towards her, a direct frontal assault. It slams into her chest. An orange vest appears, and her body is blown backwards away from the camera. She flips through the air, gravity suddenly remembers it has a job to do, and yanks her downward. The orchard has been reduced to rubble, but the trees are gone, only piles of dilapidated buildings remain. The sky is a dark grey, but her body illuminates a small area, as if she were a star herself. Hikari’s body hits the ground, and like the detonation of a nuclear bomb, she too thunders, forming a mushroom cloud on impact. A bright flash of white light erupts in all direction, and the final notes of a lone flute finally comes to a faded ending.

A few moments later, Hikari slowly climbs out of the crater, dirty, scorched, and slightly irradiated. She stands up slowly.

“Ouch.”

The words “Incendium Perfectum” marquee across the screen.

Transformation Complete.

A brief introduction:

This is going to showcase an on-going role play that I have on my role playing forum. Most likely, since nobody seems to be currently interested in this sort of thing there, this will be a solo perspective of my primary protagonist, Akiko Takahashi, who is an experimental prototype of the ultimate warrior that will save Humanity from annihilation against the Va'alen during the year of 3427. Anyway, Akiko is actually an acronym for a feline-humanoid weapon. Her apparent age is 14 years old, but in reality, it’s closer to about three years old. Not only is she genetically enhanced for physical combat, she’s also been altered so that she can tap into the arcane. Beyond having an innate ability of Technomancy, she also has a specialized digestive tract that allows her to process food to give her additional magical abilities temporarily. As she is nearing the completion of her specialized training, she is being prepared for her Final Examination, which she learns has a darker reason to be completed, and she doesn’t like it. So….

We begin this story as Akiko is stealing a star-fighter to run away (because what 14 year-old hasn’t at least thought about running away from home at least once during their life?). This will be a retelling of this game story mostly from her perspective (although, I may also add various NPC dialog that Akiko’s not specifically privy to for clarity).

I haven’t yet decided upon which role playing system I want to use, but I think I’ve narrowed it down to three candidates: Big Eyes Small Mouth (either Fourth or Second RETRO edition), GURPS, or Cypher System. Each of these setting-agnostic systems have strengths.

Big Eyes Small Mouth give a superior anime vibe to the game, and it’s the system I’m most familiar with. The difference between fourth and second edition is that while fourth is the most updated mechanically, and therefore grants the most options and is probably the most balanced of all the editions, the RETRO edition offers a roll under mechanic, which makes Solo and Forum play much easier to work with.

GURPS is a fantastic system that I have yet to actually try out, because it’s so detailed. It also uses a roll under mechanic, but has many, many, many options for character and campaign settings. Admittedly, I don’t quite have all the supplement books I want from GURPS to run a Space Opera.

Finally, there’s Cypher System. Another excellent system for solo play that is extremely adaptable with some reskinning work. The major benefit of this system is the Intrusion mechanic, which allows for seamless cinema modification, and a simple 1d20 roll over mechanic. I’m very tempted to start working with this system, however, I’m keeping my options open just in case other players want to hop into the game have a preference.

At any rate, I’m not too worried about the necessity of using game mechanics and random effects just yet. Most of what I need to do is to set up the opening scenes for the game, introduce the cast of the game, and the crew of the ASS Horizon, and get back into my cinematic narrative flow by gushing absurd comedy and other bizarre shenanigans for all of your to loose yourselves for a while.

So without further delay, let us begin…

The Color of Freedom: Chapter 1: Is the Grass Green?

Akiko locked the final seat restraint into position and peered outside the cockpit one final time, ensuring nobody was in the hanger bay. Her fingers hovered over the master control panel with anticipation, beads of sweat peppered her forehead underneath her neatly trimmed pink bangs.

"Primary fuel intake... release. Standard pre-engine ignition... activated...", she flipped a couple of switches.

The small fighter ship came to life with a quiet hum, as power surged through the control surfaces. Lights began glowing, illuminating various bits of information.

"Life support subsystem... engaged. Atmospheric pressure, standard. Primary offensive status, standing by. Primary defensive status, operational: Full power. Deflector shields: 100%. Navigational computer, ready for input.... entering first jump coordinates... Seven-Alpha, Niner-Tango, Four-Delta..."

Akiko took a deep breath. Her pre-flight checks were complete. All that was left to do was power up the propulsion system. It indicated it was ready, displaying a green button.

"Here goes....", she pushed the button, and the craft whirred to life with a blast of jetted air and the roar of the plasma-ion engines, it hovered a meter over the docking pad. She entered the command codes into the communications terminal to unlock the hangar entrance port, giving her coach's credentials.

Outside alarms rang as the atmosphere was decreased inside the massive bay. The doors opened, and an emergency force-field sprang to life, illuminating the opening in a soft violet glow. Moments later, the room illuminated in red lights, a buzzing alarm blared.

"Attention pilot of craft Delta-Four. Deactivate your unauthorized departure and stand down immediately!" The sound of a male's voice blared from the console.

"Lieutenant Gavner's on duty tonight. Sucks to be him." Akiko muttered to nobody and grasped the throttle control, pushing it gently toward is forward position.

The fighter began inching ahead slowly, and then quickly accelerated toward the exit window. A yellow array of lights lined the flight path along the floor just underneath the fighter, ensuring that no accidents could occur from poor visibility.

"Delta-Four! This is your last warning. Power down immediately, or you will be fired upon!"

Akiko trained her eyesight straight ahead of her, toward the stars that twinkled before her. Moments from now, she'll be relieved of her duties aboard the ASS Horizon forever. She'll start a new life, and she'll never have to worry about the consequences of the Final Examination ever again. Someday soon, if she's plotted her trajectory correctly, she'll visit home, forever. She passed through the protective force-field barrier, and continued to accelerate away from her captivity. In under one minute, she'll reach the minimum safe distance to engage her hyper-drive engines.

"Delta Four. Make peace with your defaults.", Gavner said, then turned his head, his voice not as loud, "Master Gunnery, open fire. Destroy that Star Fighter!"

"Acknowledged. Acquiring firing solution, stand by...", a robotic feminine voice replied in the background.

'Just nineteen seconds longer....', Akiko thought to herself.

"Three solutions have been identified." The voice came over the communications console.

"Fire at w--", Gavner commanded.

"HOLD!"

'That's Coach!', Akiko mentally shouted and began panicking. 'Just ten seconds left!', A countdown timer began

"Stand by for hyper-jump in ten seconds... nine....eight....seven....", the ship's computer announced.

"Akiko. I know that's you.", Lieutenant Commander Kenji Sato's rough, deep voice boomed and filled Akiko's cockpit. "Look. I don't know what the hell you're doing, or where the fuck you think you're going, but I guarantee that you're not prepared for what's out there. Come back and we'--"

"...Two...one....zero."

The transmission was cut short by the starfield being stretched into a rainbow of streaks, and then pitch black.

I stared into the crackling fire, rocking in my chair and set my hot cocoa down on the small table by my side. A pair of curious eyes gazed at me with anticipation as I recalled the soup of memories and feelings of those uncertain times.

“It was a complete shit show back then.”, I finally said as I met her sparkling blue eyes with my own green eyes. Kimiko was quite used to my profanity, for which I was especially glad for tonight. Earlier, she had found an old dairy that I used to keep, and of course, as curious eyes do, she read what I had written all those years ago. I didn’t mind explaining my thoughts of a more youthful me to her. After all, she was my favorite niece. My only niece. And it was probably about time she learned about what really happened back then.

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What would a world look like if Magical Girls had to have jobs? What kind of jobs would they even apply for? Let's find out!

“Hikari, how's your job search going?”, Kimiko asked.

“As good as it could be, I guess.”

“Have you heard from anyone with any leads?”

“Let's see….out of fourteen-thousand-six-hundred-fifty-two applications, I've been rejected by slightly over 9,000, and the other five-thousand or so, nothing. Job searching totally sucks! Waaa! I'm exhausted.”

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“You know, you're crazy.”, my sister, Kiyoka tells me again for the nine millionth time.

“Yup. I know, but somebody has to save the world from greedy buttholes who want to take over everything.” I replied back to her while fixing my bow ribbon.

“You could have chosen to be anything other than a Magical Girl, Mitsume.”

“That's true, but then I wouldn't get to look super cute, and have amazing acrobatics ability while welding super powers that can destroy busses, tanks, and shopping malls.”

“Hey, Martial Artists can destroy busses too!”

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