Cancellation

As I sit here, dwelling in utter sadness, feelings of inadequacy and miserable accompaniment of stupidity, I realize there is always that one option that nobody ever truly talks about. I think today, I’ve had absolutely enough. I literally can not take this shit anymore. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried to play by all the rules, believed all the bullshit promises, lies, misinformation, propaganda. But I just can’t anymore. I walk to the back room, that frozen cold room, and in that emptiness I fidget with my keys to unlock the closet door. It’s frozen over with an inch of ice, but I do manage to pull just hard enough not to rip the doorknob out of it’s fitting. Flipping on the light, and scan the tight space for that one ancient cardboard box. The one with duct tape on it, and scribbled with archaic words that seem meaningless right now.. I tear open the box, and inside is a single typed piece of paper. Skimming down to the fifth or so paragraph, I begin to read, tears blurring my vision.

Cancellation and Revocation of Living Status:

I hereby acknowledge and affirm that I retain the right to terminate my living status at any time, for any reason, at my sole discretion. By exercising this right of cancellation, I fully understand and accept that I will relinquish any remaining life force and forfeit any future experiences that would otherwise have been available to me. I further acknowledge that this decision may impose significant emotional, psychological, and practical burdens on individuals who have voluntarily participated in my life experience, including but not limited to family, friends, and other members of my social or professional circles.

I affirm that any decision to invoke this cancellation procedure is made of my own free will, without coercion, duress, or undue influence, and only after careful consideration of my personal experience goals. I accept full and sole responsibility for the consequences of this action, including any pain, suffering, or emotional distress that may be experienced by others as a result of my decision. I expressly waive any right to hold any other individual, entity, or collective responsible for such outcomes.

I understand and agree that this action is irrevocable, permanent, and absolute, and that it extinguishes any possibility of future living experiences. By proceeding with this cancellation, I acknowledge that I am knowingly and voluntarily surrendering all rights, claims, and opportunities associated with continued existence.

It’s been one of those really hard days when I feel that I’m not enough, that I’m exhausted, and that I fail at everything I attempt… that I’m not good enough in anybody eyes. And that’s on top of all the other crap going on around me that doesn’t specifically involve me right now. Politics. Hatred. Loneliness.

I will admit, I do feel better having written, getting these thoughts out of my head and on to paper, but I’m still in a pretty dark place right now.

But will I invoke the Cancellation protocol? Probably not anytime soon. But it’s somewhat comforting knowing that it’s there as an option. Forty-nine years is a long time to struggle. And I wonder, will my life ever become any easier. or is Life just one big suffering pain chain after another? Why the fuck do we volunteer for this crap?