My Back Cover Blurb

This is a DRAFT, repeat, this is only a draft...

Yesterday I started with a simple description of my Magical Misfit project, (and again, I’m putting this here so that I don’t muck up that section):

A group kind of like the A-Team, but Magical Girls, all queer someway, and every one of them is a misfit. A sci-fi anime comedy.

I posted this on Threads, and much to my surprise, two people actually commented with several liking it. So, after working all afternoon and into the evening, I finally had created something that I like, and it only took three revisions. Behold:

I’m Hikari—pink-haired, pigtailed, and definitely not your average teenage math nerd. Some old guy conscripted me into the Air Force, lied to his boss, and made me a Second Lieutenant because I have a habit of leveling cities with my Solar Magic. That’s why I’m called a “zero“. (Shocker: magic is real.)

Now I’m officially part of FARTS (Federal Anomalous Response Tactical Squad), AKA the F-Team, because our boss can’t say “farts” with a straight face. My teammates? Quinn, a 58-year-old time manipulator who transforms into a 14-year-old blond bombshell and is hopelessly addicted to coffee. Matilda, a gothic 500-year-old vampire who looks 11, giggles instead of drinking blood, carries a bazooka named Vernichter, and somehow sucks at Necromancy. Avery, an alien who uses Technomancy to test her gadgets on us because she’s bored. And Kai, a chill martial artist who dances for tips, switches genders like they switch outfits, and will absolutely kick your ass if you piss them off.

While the military’s elite AEGIS unit hogged all the glory against the DREAD (nasty, sticky tentacle thingies), we got MAIDS duty. (Yeah, the military just loves acronyms, huh?) Anyway, we clean up sentient Dust Bunnies and aggressively moving Sludge puddles (don’t tell Matilda, but I think it’s actually DREAD poop). But when AEGIS failed, and the video went viral exposing magic, the DREAD and other secrets to everybody on Earth, we got called in to clean up the mess. Why? Because we’re “emotionally compromised“, and the DREAD can’t feed on us! But now AEGIS wants to compete with us to save humanity. Maybe we can “divide and conquer” to defeat the DREAD. But what happens when you divide by zero? I guess we’ll find out!

Now, I will tease you a bit. This is only the first book in a series of five. Each book will feature one of my Misfits in the first person perspective. I want to get to know each of these people, intimately. This first book, introduces us to the team, defines the world, and establishes the threat. And since I have you as a captured audience, I’ll even give you a bit of a break down into what I’m thinking about in my deranged mind.

It’s said to write what you know. It was a dream of mine as a teenager to become the first military officer in my family, and I chose the Air Force as my military path. Unfortunately, I personally, couldn’t cut that mustard. Before I knew it, my time was up, and I was young and dumb, and completely miscalculated that I could earn more money as a civilian, than being a member of the enlisted military. Totally forgot about the mundane things that the Government provided to me, like HOUSING and FOOD. Anyway, I digress. Anyway, this story uses the United States Air Force as a vehicle. I do miss my time in the Air Force. I still wish I could have become an officer. My imagination will simply have to do.

The military loves acronyms, as I’ve stated in the Blurb, and I’m going to define the ones that I’ve included on the back cover blurb here, but you’ll also see them explained in the novel itself.

• FARTS: Federal Anomalous Response Tactical Squad
  This was the first name I brainstormed, and because this is a comedy, I wanted something that was absurdly funny. Farts just fits, because we know every five-year-old giggles at the word. Now just imagine the senior brass in the Pentagon using the word in a serious conversation. Yeah, I’m just weird, I guess.

• DREAD: Dimensional Resonant Emotional Activity Disruptor
  The second name I created was the adversary. Buckle up, this one’s a bit long. I really struggled with creating an adversary. I wanted something more than just a typical monster of the week, but I also wanted something that was truly terrifying to humankind, but yet also gave a major ick factor. I thought, well, whatever this critter is, it’s gotta be black, because that’s a trope color for evil, right? And since I’m burying myself in this hole, let’s give it a few other attributes. It should stink, and maybe have tentacles. Girls HATE tentacles, right? Let’s make this thing sticky too. And it can defy gravity— in fact, let’s make it completely out of this dimension! Now regular bullets and crap can’t touch it, I have an adversary worthy of a magical girl battalion! It’s a monster, so it’s sentient. But what would motivate it to attack? I wanted something beyond the mundane perverted typical ecchi stuff. Emotional damage. The contradiction of having hope yet knowing deep down that failure is most likely the end result. Humans have tons of this— at least I do. So, these things are dreadful. They don’t obey the normal laws of physics (yup, we’re in a comedy, remember?), they’re sticky and stinky, and will grapple people in unusual ways, and when they make physical contact with you, they siphon your emotional damage, and leave you kind of like a zombie, an empty shell that requires mental therapy and physical rest, because the DREAD has seen some shit, and yeah, they’re telepathic too.

• MAIDS: Malicious Artifact Investigation (and) Disposal Service
  The third term I created, specifically when I was dreaming up the team’s coordinated outfits, like every other magical girl team has. Sailor Moon, Spec Ops Asuka, Madoka, they all use this trope. My idea is: Let’s put these goofballs in French Maid outfits, and it could be a disguise! There’s actually a kink out there for it. Did I mention I’m weird?

• AEGIS: Arcane Enhanced Guardian Interceptor Squadron
  Just today, I created this one. I had the thought of including a rival team a couple weeks ago, but I never got around to fleshing it out beyond a simple concept idea. Today, it materializes, because I named it. As I was drafting my back cover, the term F-Team came up, shorthand for FARTS. And the original pitch was a group like the A-Team, so… why not create the rivals to be that A-Team. Sparkly, graceful, perfect… but mostly ineffective against this threat. So going with the theme that F is short for FARTS, A would have to be short for something. I thought of Aegis, the mythological shield of the Gods, and that would be perfect, because this A-Team IS the shield— against the FARTS.

I’m sure there will be more to be created as I continue to draft the story, but now, with the acronyms defined, you can start seeing where my imagination is going here. I’ve created monsters, and rivals, and knowing how batshit crazy I am, you’re in for a treat!

Anyway, what do you think of my drafted back cover? There’s more that I’d like to discuss, like a couple of ideas that I have is that I want to include five full manga pages with each episode. Eventually, I want to create a specific table top role playing game to go with the story. (Because why not? Just a week ago, I discovered LitRPG is actually a genre in fiction writing, and it’s pretty popular!) So, yeah, because I’m already breaking the Fourth Wall, or at least I plan to, there’s going to be some meta data spillage too. I’ve got ideas for how I want my system to work, but for it to work well with magical girls, I need to resolve the magical-restriction problem that most systems suffer from.

So yeah, this is going to take some major money to pull off. I’ve already looked into the cost of the art— that’s between $150 and $200 per full page, and that’s average. And of course, I’m going to want a full page colorized cover for each episode too. Maybe I need to spend some time warming up my drawing tablet, and hope that I can construct more than just stick figures? Apparently, I need more time.